Exclusively pumping has honestly been one of the hardest things I've done in my life. Dare I say, even harder than actually giving birth to Eleanor. I wanted to write down a view thoughts that I could look back on.
Pumping has meant never leaving the house with a pump, a million bottles, ice pack, and at least 2 bags…
…pumping anywhere and everywhere. Churches, public bathrooms, malls, cars, outside, work..you name a place, I've pumped there.
… spilt milk on every crevice of my car, every inch of my floor, all over the couch.
.. waking up once, sometimes twice, in the middle of the night, even when Eleanor hs slept through.
...two bouts of mastitis, which included feeling the worst I've felt in years.. TWICE!
... desperately wanting to just grab my baby and have her latch.
...constantly thinking about when my next pump is, where I am going to pump, how I'm going to store the milk, etc.
.. saying no to certain plans if they didn't allow me to pump on time.
... feeling judged by breastfeeding moms, whether they are actually judging or not.
... obsessing over every ounce, my freezer stash, my supply.. analyzing every number
... having to take a break, sometimes every 2 hours, from being with my daughter.
... milk soaked sheets in the morning.
... sitting strapped to a pump for 4 hours a day.
... only wearing clothes and bras that are conducive to pumping.
... cracked, bleeding, painful nipples (TMI? don't care)
... waking up with painful bricks on my chest.
... pumping and dumping
But at the same time.. It has also meant a lot of positive things as well..
...time to relax every few hours
... happy hormones raging through my body after every pump
... satisfaction of giving my sweet girl a part of me, giving her life through my milk!
…knowing that even on the hardest mothering days, I knew I was doing something right with pumping.
…. pride!
…knowing that even on the hardest mothering days, I knew I was doing something right with pumping.
…. pride!
Exclusively pumping has proven to myself how strong I am . I feel extremely proud of the sacrifice I've made for my little love and I truly feel like I have accomplished something great. I have been able to provide my daughter with enough breastmilk for a year with my blood, sweat and tears (literally). This has been just a glimpse of what I am willing to do for the healthy and happiness of my little girl. As hard as it'll be to wean, I'm excited to have more time with my sweet girl!
