Eleanor {1 month}

I truly cannot believe that a month has passed since this beautiful girl entered our lives! Despite often getting little sleep and my house always being a mess, this has truly been the best month of my life!

9lbs. 5oz

21.5inches

NB diapers

All NB clothing

Things you Love:

- Long walks

- Laying on your side in Mama and Dada's big bed

- Waking up promptly at 6:30am, just so Dada can bring you into bed with Mama for a little bit of cuddle time before demanding another bottle and to play!

- Gobbling down Mama's milk

- Grunting

- Making silly faces

- Pooping as soon as Dada puts a new diaper on you

- White noise, louder the better!

- Your wubbanub

- Dancing to Katy Perry and/or worship music

- Napping in the afternoons, never in the morning

Things you Dislike:

- when your bobble isn't ready on time

… and that is really it! You really are a happy baby! If you are fussing, a bobble or some movement is all you typically need :) for now.

Events:

- When you were first born, Mama wasn't making enough milk. The LC said I needed to pump colostrum in addition to nursing and you had to gain weight overnight. When I knew I wasn't going to able to pump enough, we used a few ounces of your Auntie's breastmilk via syringe for 24 hours! Ha! And it worked! You gained 2.5oz overnight and the LC/nurse was amazed by your progress (I, of course, didn't tell her what we had done)! We are so grateful to your Auntie for helping to keep you alive and well during your first few days!

- Breastfed (half via nursing, half via pump) for a solid month! Mama is proud and loves loves loves that a part of her is giving you life!

- Around 3 weeks you rolled from your belly to your side, but Auntie and I missed it because we were chatting! You haven't done it again but I'm sure you will soon!

- Just this past week, you've started to really track things with your eyes. You love to watch Mama and Dada walk around the room or staring up at your mobile on the Mamaroo. 

- Almost since birth you've been able to lift your head and turn it to both sides. You are extremely strong. When you lay on your belly, you are able to push up, almost into a plank with your legs! I knew you'd be strong after you kicked me for so many weeks ;)

don't worry, your car seat was loose because we were walking around the mall.

- We take you out almost everyday, either on a walk or on an errand! Your first outing was to Woodman's the second day you were home from the hospital so Dada could get some beer for St. Patricks Day :) You have only screamed your head off once while we were out (this is pre-paci loving days), and I have still no idea why. You've been out to restaurants with Grandma and Grandma Martinkus, up to Auntie's house, Target probably a dozen times and to Grandma and Grandpa's house for Easter. 

- Since about week 2, you've started sucking your hands for comfort or using them to hold the paci in real tight.

- 

- The Easter Bunny came and brought you a pretty dress, Pat the Bunny book, bunny rattle and a drooler scarf. You couldn't care less :)

I am so grateful to be your Mama. 

You're worth every stretch mark, every extra pound, every sleepless night. You are the light of our lives and you are more loved than I could ever say!

Dear Eleanor: The first 3 weeks

There is so much I want to remember about these 3 weeks..but don't really feel like putting it into a narrative so a list will have to do :)

My sweet, beautiful daughter,

- I've fallen in love with you over the past 3 weeks. There have been several nights where I've held you in my arms and cried over how beautiful you are and how deeply I love you. I still cannot believe you're mine. I want to do everything I can to give you the best life ever and protect you from everything I can.  You are absolutely perfect.

- For the first 2 weeks, your Dada and I didn't put you down. At all. At night, we took shifts and made sure that one of us was holding you at all times.  We could have put you down, but we just didn't want to. You are too perfect, too precious, too amazing. We wanted to soak up every ounce of you. We wanted to spoil you as much as we could. The only reason why we stopped is because Dada had to go back to work and we needed a better system.  I still hold you for a few hours during the night though and for some of your naps during the day. I just can't get enough of you.

- You make crazy grunting noises. Constantly. Everyone says you are one of the most vocal newborns they know..and I agree! This is another reason why we had to put in your crib sooner than we wanted… we can't sleep with all your crazy noises!

- You also make the silliest expressions! You are constantly moving your eyebrows and lips to make silly faces. You already have such a fun personality!

- I breastfed you for about 2 weeks until we switched to exclusive pumping. As amazing as those two weeks were as we bonded through nursing, you started to not love it as much. You fought me on every latch which left us both sad and frustrated. After speaking with the doctor, Auntie, and a lactation consultant named Eleanor (which I took as a sign), I made the decision to pump instead of forcing nursing.  I'll never forget that first bottle. You were so relaxed. I was so relaxed.  We were new people! I was able to enjoy my baby again.  I don't regret it one bit.  You needed a happy Mama and you needed to eat.  

- You love to dance with your Mama and Dada. Starting on the second day you were home, we will hold you and dance to a mixture of worship songs and Katy Perry :). You instantly relax when you hear certain songs that I listened to on repeat when you were inside me.  This is one of my favorite things to do with you. I love to sing and pray over you... and I cry almost every time. It is so surreal to hold you in my arms and worship Jesus. Holding you is like holding a peace of heaven.

- As I've healed over these past few weeks and my hormones have begun to balance out, life has been hard on your Mama. I've felt a bit out of control between the baby blues and my body just not being the same. Your father has been amazing through it all. He has taken care of everything for us. He feeds me as I feed you. He cleans and cooks. He listens to me cry and prays over us everyday. He keeps me positive. He believes in me and constantly tells me how proud he is.  You have an amazing Dada.  He loves you so much and does everything he can to help with you.  He's smitten with you and you have him wrapped around your finger. I couldn't have picked a better father for you. You are so, so lucky to have him.

You've been sleeping alone for way too long..and I miss you too much to keep writing. It's time to snuggle.  More later..

Eleanor's Birth Story

It has been 3 weeks since the greatest day of my life. The day I became a Mama.

woah nelly! This Mama was clearly ready to pop.

The doctor scheduled to induce me on Friday, March 13th which was one week and one day past my due date.  She noted that my cervix was 'favorable' and if we wanted to, induction was an option.  Judge me if you must, but I was ready to meet my daughter. Sure, I could have lived another week being pregnant, but we were dying to finally meet our sweet Eleanor. I had no labor signs leading up to that Friday and I had tried every 'natural inducer' in the book. I just had a feeling that little Miss wasn't going to come on her own so we made the decision to evict :)

I didn't sleep at all Thursday night as you can imagine. I was up at 12:30am even though we didn't have to be to the hospital until 5am. Once Nick finally woke up, we packed the car and headed to McDonalds. Looking back, I don't know why we did this - haha! I think we both wanted one final indulgence and simply didn't feel like cooking breakfast.  I remember sitting in the parking lot of the hospital (extremely early of course), nervously laughing together. We were both just so excited that the day was finally here. Unfortunately though, as soon as we walked in the doors of the ER, L&D called to tell me to head back home until 7am as there were too many Mama's on the floor. We were frustrated, to say the least, but glad that we were still allowed to come back a few hours later.

Nick dressed up as my nurse, naturally.

Once we finally arrived and got checked in, pitocin was started around 8am and Nick and I walked the halls between monitoring for about 2 hours until family arrived. This is was such a sweet time to me.  It was our final moments of just the two of us, laughing, walking, and wondering what our sweet girl would be like. I wasn't in any pain and I was happy as could be knowing that my daughter was on her way and my husband was by my side.

My parents and sister finally arrived almost as soon as the pain really started kicking in. Over the next few hours, contractions went from 0 to 10 very quickly and only about 90 seconds apart. My family and Nick did their best to keep me distracted, and I'm so glad I had them there to keep me going.  Unfortunately, the doctor didn't show up until about noon and when she checked me, I was only 2 - 3cm. She said that I could get the epidural whenever I wanted to so I asked for it right away! It took about 45 minutes for them to set up for it and those 45 minutes were painful! Nick rubbed my back as I silently tried to push through the pain. I could tell he was nervous at this point but he was still my strong rock through it all. He kept telling me how proud he was of me, letting me squeeze his hand as hard as I needed to.

I'm so glad my Dad took this picture. I couldn't have asked for a better partner

Honestly, once I got that epidural, it was pretty smooth sailing. Within an hour, I was 7cm and another hour later was 10cm and ready to go! The nurse had me push about 3 times while she waited for the doctor, but quickly called for help and declared that she may have to deliver the baby herself! (I was totally okay with this. She was an amazing nurse and knew exactly what she was doing).  Thankfully the doctor came in and the first thing she said was "whoa, light hair!" I couldn't believe she could already see my daughter and that my daughter had hair! I pushed once, but baby girl's heart rate started to drop a bit.  We took a small break for me to get some oxygen through the mask..but then 3 more pushes and she was out. It was insanely easy and painless.

I remember hearing Nick say "oh my gosh" which is when I opened my eyes and saw my beautiful daughter. Tears overwhelmed me. I still remember how perfect she looked. I remember thinking "thats her. Thats my baby". I couldn't believe it. I still can't. My beautiful daughter is absolutely perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a strong heart and the most precious little face. God has handcrafted a miracle and given her to me.

Everyone tells you that you'll never know a love like a love for your child… and as cliche as it all sounds, its absolutely true.  3 weeks later and Nick and I are still overwhelmed.  We talk all day long about how perfect she is, how beautiful she is, and how deeply we love her.  I am so grateful to God for a healthy, easy delivery. I loved the whole experience from beginning to end. Yes, healing and getting used to taking care of a newborn over the following 48 hours was difficult. I was in quite a bit of pain and felt like I had no idea what to do with her..but it was heaven. I'd do it all over again a thousand times.