Dear Eleanor {Week 21}

I wanted to write you a letter during this stage of pregnancy as it has become my favorite part of it all, and I want to remember every moment of it. These past few weeks have been a really sweet time for me and your Daddy. We're on cloud 9.

I spend most of my time working on grad school work (I'll be finished the week you are due, hallelujah!), walking the picket lines as I am currently on strike, and planning your nursery. I am so anxious to get the rocking chair so I can sit in there. I have a feeling it is easily going to become my favorite room in the house. 

Your Daddy spends his days at work and his evenings in the garage building a farmhouse table for me. He is currently nesting mode, trying to get as many projects around the house before your baby shower and before your arrival. When I have grad school to work on, he cooks, cleans, and does everything around the house for me. Your Daddy is incredibly selfless and hard working. 

When we're together, we sit on the couch and talk about you. Every evening we eat dinner together and pray for you. You are constantly on our minds. So much of our time is spent dreaming about you. Talking about our future with you. Since you've come into our lives, Daddy and I have grown even closer and fallen deeper in love. More than ever, I feel so grateful that I have your Daddy as my husband. I am so honored to be his. I am so glad he is your Daddy. You are a very lucky girl. 

As for you, you are moving lots throughout the day. Your movements are still subtle, but more consistent everyday. I can't wait until you kick me stronger! I love feeling you in there. It reminds me that I am never alone and I have my sweet baby girl with me. We chat a lot in the car. I tell you all about whats going on out here and I explain all of the family members you have waiting for you. You love when Mama lays on the couch or plays music. Daddy loves to talk to you too. He asks how you are doing everyday as he rubs my belly. Sometimes he gets really close and tries to tell you secrets about me, just to make me laugh.  He loves to call us "his girls" and it makes my heart flutter every time. 

I'm praying for you, sweet Eleanor. I love you so much.

Oh, and Daddy decided on your middle name -- Eleanor Rose. Rose is after your Great-grandma Sharon Rose  (Daddy's grandma). She is one of our most favorite people in the world. Your great-grandma is full of energy and joy! Like Nana, she is a follower of Christ and so so generous. She is very loving and kind to everyone that she meets.  Daddy has lots of sweet memories of her and your Great-Grandpa from growing up and he lights up whenever he shares a story with me. Both of them have made Daddy the man he is today and we are so grateful for that. As soon as we started discussing middle names, Daddy knew he wanted you to be named after her. I pray that you would grow to be just like Great-Grandma Sharon. I can't wait for you two to meet!

Mama

Our Sweet Baby Girl

Nick and I couldn't be more excited to be expecting a baby girl. We've had a feeling since the beginning that our little one was a girl so we weren't very surprised when our ultrasound confirmed it.  Something about my sweet husband just made me know he would have a daughter. He is so tender, so protective, so loving towards me..and I just knew God would give him another girl to love on. Nick is so excited to be a Daddy to a baby girl. He is already nervous for the day when she brings her first boyfriend home and already knows she will have him wrapped around her finger :)

Before we knew for sure it was a girl, we already had our potential daughter named.  Actually, I've had her named before I even met my husband which is why I am so excited to share her name and can't imagine holding it in another 20 weeks…

Eleanor Salmons

a.k.a 'Elle'

Named after my Great-Grandmother, Eleanor Tadda

(middle name TBD)

I grew up with an amazing Great-Grandmother, who we referred to as Nana. She was the most amazing woman I've ever known. I loved every moment I spent with her as a kid and young adult. Every memory I have of her is so precious to me.. hearing about stories of her life, eating ham sandwiches on rye bread in her little apartment, spending the holidays with her in our home..every moment was magic and I would do anything to have one last chance to see her again.

Although I could go on forever about how precious my Nana was to me, there are three attributes of her that I'll never forget. These are the three things that made her the woman that I adored, and the reasons I wanted my daughter to be named after such an amazing woman.

• Nana was a follower and lover of Jesus. Even as a young girl with no concept of Jesus Christ, I knew my Nana had a strong belief in Him and an unwavering faith. I fully believe that I came to know Jesus because of the prayers that Nana was praying on my behalf. I am so grateful for her faith as it paved the way for me to find my own.

• Nana taught me about acceptance and love through her care for my Great Aunt. Nana had a daughter (my Great Aunt) with Williams Syndrome whom she loved deeply and devoted her entire life to. Despite a lot of opposition from schools and doctors, Nana believed in my great Aunt, Lorrie, and raised her well. As a little girl, I didn't even realize Lorrie had a disability. Nana loved her that well. She accepted Lorrie and loved her as she would anyone else. This was my first exposure to a person with a disability, and I believe I learned to love and accept people with disabilities because of the love Nana showed Lorrie. My heart for people with disabilities was grown out of Nana's heart for Lorrie and I couldn't be more grateful that she instilled that in me at a young age.

• Finally, because of Nana's faith in the Lord and unwavering love for people, Nana was extremely generous. She constantly gave to people, whatever she could give. I don't believe she had a selfish bone in her body. Nana loved to help the people she loved by giving whatever resources she had. 

Over the next 5 months, this is my prayer for baby Eleanor, that she would grow to be just like her Great-Great-Grandmother, the greatest woman I've ever known.

My sweet Nana on her 95th birthday in 2008, with Lorrie in the background :) I miss her so much.

Weeks 16 - 19

People are not lying when they say the second trimester is heaven. I feel like a million bucks, I have no food aversions and plenty of energy. Sure, I have a bit of back and sciatic pain but this Mama is not complaining! 

Week 16 was when I felt like I was finally getting a bump. So young, so naive ;)  It's only been 3 weeks since this picture and I feel SO much bigger. 

 During week 17 we went to a Cubs game with our best friends, Kegan and Lory. I begged baby to move this entire week but he/she was stubborn!

Daddy thought it would be funny to edit my chalkboard when I wasn't home one night.  However, its true :( Mama bear is on strike at work, making this Babes' first strike too. BUT - the best part of week 18 was the fact that I could feel baby kicks every evening! As soon as I got home from walking the picket lines and laid on the couch, baby went crazy! I am one happy Mama to feel those little tiny flutters.

During week 19 we went to the Doctor and found out Babes' gender! We had a small gender reveal (see below) with my family and will reveal to Nick's parents tomorrow. At the gender reveal, I had each family member guess which wives tales pointed to boy or girl for me.  My Mama won, no shocker there.  Lot of the wives tales point to a Baby Girl but we shall see ;) The gender was revealed by popping black balloons with colored confetti inside.

Some pictures from our 'Fall' theme gender reveal/Great Grandmas's birthday.

Some Serious and Some not-so Serious Wishes for Baby

With our appointment to find out the gender of baby just around the corner, I can't help but dream what he/she will be like. Who he/she will look like. What their personality will be.  Boy or girl, though, there are things that I hope and pray for. Some things more desperately than others.

Baby love,

I hope…

- I hope you are healthy. Mama has heard nightmares about what can happen to you. Daddy and I pray everyday that God would form you perfectly. Whatever happens though, we love you. We think you are already perfect. We trust God is taking the best care of you in there.

- I hope you come to know and love Jesus. He will bring you more joy than you could ever imagine. He loves you so deeply, baby.

- I hope you are tender-hearted towards people with disabilities. I pray that you see them like Jesus does. I pray that you have a softened heart towards them and a call to love and serve them.

- I hope you know how much your Mommy and Daddy love you, and each other.  I can't wait to tell you our love story because its a pretty great one. I pray that we always treat each other with love and respect so that you come to expect that in your future spouse.

- I hope you are just like your Daddy in so many ways. Creative, crazy intelligent, hard-working, selfless, hilarious..the list is endless.

- I hope you and your cousin, Lucas, are best friends.

- I hope you enjoy dancing in the kitchen with me and Daddy. On Friday or Saturday evenings, your Daddy and I like to put on music, eat some appetizers, and dance in the kitchen..even if we have guests. I can't wait until we can have you in our arms during our dance parties. And I also can't wait to embarrass you in the future when we do this :)

- I hope you are like Auntie Lindsay, too. I hope you get her sense of humor, her fire for following the Lord, and sensitive heart. I've always wanted to be just like her.

- I hope you like singing in the car with me (at least when you're young).

- I hope you like Katy Perry.

- I hope you are able to laugh at yourself.

- I hope you find your passion in life. Whatever it may be. Daddy and I are here to make sure you find it, and reach it.

Babes, if all or none of these things happen, don't worry. I'll love you just the same.  God is making you your own person and it's going to be amazing. I love you more than anything.

Weeks 11 - 15

Being a Mama hits me harder some days more than others. Everyday is a beautiful blessing, but some days..the simple reminder of this pregnancy brings me to my knees. I can't believe I'm a Mama. I can't believe I'm carrying a baby that is mine. My son or My daughter. My own. I can't believe God picked me. That He would choose to bless me like this. Today is one of those days.

Then again, looking back at my life, He has always been faithful. He has always provided. Even in my darkest of nights, He always brought joy in the morning. He's never failed. This pregnancy is just another testament to His faithfulness in my life.

Week 11 was magical. Though I was still sick, we had our first doctor's appointment. We heard his/her beautiful heartbeat and it left me speechless. We saw his/her cute little body and Daddy and I were in awe. We finally got to see the little babes we've been praying so deeply for. He/she was perfect. Once again, Thank You God.

Week 12 is when we finally announced! Little baby Salmons with his/her BFF Lucas :)

Week 13 is right when I started to feel better. My handsome nephew, Lucas, was born and took my breath away. He and my sister did so well during labor. God, once again, answered all of our prayers.  I can't wait to write a post about experiencing the day of his birth. It was truly amazing.

 Week 14 and I felt like a million bucks! 

Week 15 and the beginning of a tiny, tiny bump. Went to the doctor again and the heartbeat was 150. Baby was doing great!

Until next time..

Weeks 5 - 10

My favorite blogs (like this one, or this one, or this one), have all documented their pregnancies week by week. Some find it annoying, I find it amazing. I love reading about other women's symptoms, seeing their pictures, and knowing what is ahead for me on this journey.  As mentioned before, I want to document this journey not only for my babes, but for my own memory! So I guess, what I'm trying to say is, if you find it annoying, maybe you'll enjoy another blog for the next 9 months. 

Walking along the MKE lakeshore with my guy. 5 weeks

Week 6 (in sign language) - Taken in Washington DC on our road trip

Week 7 (in sign language)

And then I stopped documenting for a few weeks (oops!). Morning All day sickness and fatigue kicked in and I wasn't up for it. Week 8 - 10, my husband was a serious saint.  The way he took care of me during those weeks was beautifully selfless and I feel so grateful to have him. He cooked, he cleaned, he listened to me cry, he tucked me in at 8pm and let me sleep as long I wanted. He made me toast every morning and left it on my bedside table every morning before he left for work so I could eat it in bed before the nausea hit.  He made me separate dinners and breakfasts in order to find foods that I could keep down.  I am so so thankful to God for giving me a guy like that.  It is just a glimpse of the amazing father he will be and it made me feel so safe and secure knowing that me and baby have a guy like this to be our provider.

Baby,
You really do have the best Daddy in the world. I can't wait for you to experience his love. Whether you are a boy or a girl, I hope you are just like your Daddy in so many ways. He is the greatest.
Love,
Mama

And then there were three...

*Written at 8 weeks

Friday, June 27, 2014 is the day our family of two became a family of three. Technically it was a summer night two weeks prior to that but we don't need to get into the details.. ;)

Nick and I had been trying to conceive for two months and were shocked that God would bless us this quickly.  After being unsuccessful during the month of May, we were left a little heartbroken. Silly, I know. But I compared myself to other women, including my sister, who were able to conceive within the first month and my mind went a million different places.  As sad as that time was, I am so grateful for it. We pressed into the Lord, we reflected, we listened, and we were deeply comforted. We realized that we have such little control over the situation, but our God is so faithful. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts and He wants us to be fruitful. I can honestly say that as we headed into June, I was anxious, but so deeply comforted by the Lord's love and provision. I knew everything was going to be okay.

God decided June would be the month that our little baby's story would begin. After hearing stories of dear friends struggling with fertility (and reading countless blogs), I consider this to be one of my greatest blessings. Not because God loves me more, or because I deserve it more than anyone else, because Lord knows, I am so underserving of such a beautiful blessing, but because this is His perfect timing.  I am so aware of the struggles many women have to get pregnant, or stay pregnant, and I am still in awe of the fact that God has written a baby into my story. May I never complain about nausea, or gaining weight, or bloating. Next to my own salvation and dear husband, this is one of the greatest gifts the Lord has given me.

Now let's get back to that Friday…

Nick and I had waited all week to test because we didn't want to get our hopes up.  We woke up, bright and early, and Nick insisted that I should test alone and let him know when he got home from the gym. I still don't know why he wanted to do this, but I am actually so grateful.

I immediately used a cheap, dollar store test because I didn't want to waste my fancy ones in case I was in for a long journey.  As soon as that test got wet, I swore a line appeared.. but I'd blink and it went away. I couldn't even wait the full 3 minutes, I grabbed my fancy test and in less than a minute..my whole world turned upside down.

I couldn't, and I still can't, stop thanking God for the blessing. I fell to the ground, weeping, thanking the Lord repeatedly. Sounds dramatic, but this is my lifelong dream. It's mine and Nick's dream. And even as I write the blog post, 4 weeks later, I still cannot believe its real. 

When Nick walked in, I'll never forget the moment. He looked at me in the kitchen and said "well, you aren't crying…?" and I told him to look at the tests on the counter.  Once he saw them, I can't remember what he or I said, I think we were both in just complete shock and couldn't stop hugging/smooching. I was shaking, he cried a tear or two, and we just sat at the table in shock as we ate breakfast.

And of course I had to take my first, pregnant selfie at exactly 4 weeks. Because thats what pregnant women do and I was finally a pregnant woman myself!

I was just a little excited.

I told my sister that morning, as she knew my period was due that day and well, she's my best friend.  She convinced me to wait to tell my Mom in person since she wasn't able to tell our Mom about her pregnancy in person. (Yes, my sister is due with a baby boy in August. Our babies will be 7 months apart. 

Later that morning I texted my mom and told her Nick was craving wings (complete lie) and that they should meet us at our favorite place for wings that evening. She suggested that my Dad make wings instead so we decided to meet at their backyard pavilion. Once we got there, I handed her my pregnancy test. I told her "I found this in the driveway" (complete lie). It took her a second to get it, but once she did, she was pretty ecstatic.  **Video to come, still trying to figure out how to upload it!**

And this is how I told Nick's grandparents and parents..

I share all this, and probably many more updates, honestly for myself, for my family, and for our baby. I want him/her to know how much we wanted him/her before we even met them. I want him/her to know the years they can't remember and mostly how faithful God is to his/her family over the years.  

And because my mom keeps insisting I write things about my pregnancy down.  So here they are, Mama.