To Read on the Hard Days

Now that we know the gender, and the name has been announced, the reality of having a baby has hit me even more…and I truly didn't even think that was possible.

I keep remembering back to those months of trying to conceive, or even the months we spent just thinking about whether or not it was time to begin.

I remember the worship songs I would listen to on repeat as they would give me a sense of peace, even if it only lasted for 3 minutes.

I remember the nights Nick and I would pray together, asking begging God to answer our prayers.

I remember the insane amount of time I would spent reading blogs or website that would give various 'tips on conception', clinging to anything positive I could get my hands on.

I remember writing a list of everything God has blessed me with, trusting that He would continue to be faithful.

I remember reading my bible, the same verses over and over and over until I felt better.

I remember those damn ovulation tests and how they determined whether I would have a good or bad day. Yes, I am so ashamed of this..

I remember the cramps, the bleeding, and the heartbreak.

I remember letting myself get caught up in the 'what if's and Nick having to talk me off the ledge.


I write these memories down so that I may never forget how deeply we wanted this and how great of a blessing it is. This post will be for the times I feel upset about my weight, the nights where we don't sleep a wink, or for the day she colors on my couch with permanent marker..may I always remember the amazing blessing that she is, and how faithful God has been.