No sugar. No grains. No alcohol. No legumes. No dairy.
That means.. No coffee creamer. No glasses of wine on a Friday night. No Chipotle burrito bowls. No dark chocolate kisses every night. No fun.
But why?
Everyone chooses to do Whole30 for their own reasons and I'm doing it for more than one.
- I am tired of feeling like crap every Sunday night after a weekend of eating and drinking whatever I want.
- I've never done anything like this before. I've done Atkins. I've done Weight Watchers. I've counted calories. I am curious what Whole 30 could do for me, and everyone's success stories intrigue me.
- I've finally been exercising regularly and I am beginning to see results. I wonder what changing my diet would do, if it will amplify my results.
- Sugar after every single meal isn't normal. Lots of people do it so it feels normal, but its not. Not at all.
- Most of all, I am a slave to my scale. Up a pound? I'll have a terrible day. Down two pounds? Life is good again. I'm controlled by my weight and what I see in the mirror. I grew up as an overweight child then lost 60lbs in middle school. I finally got attention from boys, made friends with girls who never talked to me before and my mind was made up. I had to be skinny to be loved by those around me. This later transformed to 'I have to be skinny to love myself'.
By God's perfect grace, I grew from this. During my years of college, I began to see myself as a woman of God, drowning in God's love. A Love that wasn't contingent on my weight or my sin. A Love that is freely given. I was swept away. I didn't own a scale at any time during my college years. It was a beautiful thing.
Then, a handsome man also swept me off my feet and asked me to be his wife. Despite his unconditional love for me, I wanted to be a beautiful Bride. Thanks to the help of my Mama and dear friend, Sadi, I joined Weight Watchers, dropped 20 pounds and was decently satisfied with how I looked on my wedding day.
But my struggle was still there. I managed to work the weight watchers system by making sure I had enough 'points' everyday to still eat chocolate or drink on the weekends. I lost weight, but the demons still had a stronghold on my life. I was conscious of every move I made, so very aware of every ounce of food that touched my lips. I was back on that scale every single day. Letting it dictate who I am and who I am not. Because of my cloud of sin, suddenly God's immense love seemed distant. It also didn't matter that my Husband found every inch of me to be beautiful. I was trapped.
That brings us to today. On a daily basis, Nick and I eat fairly healthy. We live off of Skinnytaste.com recipes and exercise regularly. Considering we are both people who love food, have a background of being overweight, this is good for us. But..I know we can do so much better. I know I can treat my body with more respect and more like the temple that it is. I know that I obsess over food more than God sometimes. I know that I have an addiction to sugar. I know that I eat my emotions. I celebrate with food. I cry with food. Food is my idol.
And that's not okay. Our God, who has given His son so that we may freely live, is so much greater than this entire struggle. He is worthy of my entire life. My life, my words, my thoughts should reflect the immense grace He has shown me and give Him the glory He deserves.
Do I think Whole30 will complete solve this issue? No. Only God can do that. But Whole30 is taking that sin and shoving it right in my face. As I am doing Whole30, I am face to face with each addiction and stronghold it has on my life. It is forcing me to give every temptation, every hard day, every minute of everyday over to Christ so that He may be the only thing I live for. I share this with the virtual world because it's my deep, dark secret. Sin grows in the dark. It gets stronger, and deeper..and eventually consumes you. But sharing brings sin to the light. And God is light. God is freedom.
"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all " - 1 John 1:5
"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy." - Proverbs 28:13
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed." - James 5:16
